If you have ever wondered what it feels like to voluntarily sign up for stress, congratulations. You could always become a landlord in Victoria. It is the perfect hobby for anyone who enjoys never ending rules, surprise expenses, and the constant feeling that someone in an office in Melbourne CBD has decided you need another form to fill out just for fun.
Every few months the government announces another round of “improvements”. Improvements for who is never made clear. Certainly not for the landlord. The tone always feels like they are saying, “Good news everyone. We have made renting fairer.” Which is lovely, except the next sentence is always, “And to celebrate, landlords now have eighteen new responsibilities and a lovely new set of penalties if they blink the wrong way.”
Honestly you start to wonder if they are running a secret competition in Parliament. Whoever comes up with the most inventive new landlord obligation wins a voucher for a weekend away. Because how else do you explain the creative energy that goes into this stuff.
Meanwhile renters are told they have more rights. They get clearer protections. They can do modifications. They can do certain repairs. They can have pets. They can probably convert the lounge room into a llama sanctuary and you would still need to fill out a form before you say anything.
Look. Nobody is saying renters should not be protected. Obviously they should. It is just that every new rule seems to say the same thing. Renters get something nice. Landlords get something that involves an electrician and a bill.
Try reading one of these updates with a straight face.
“From this week, landlords must ensure the property meets the updated minimum standard regarding ventilation and electrical safety.”
Right. And meanwhile renters must ensure… what exactly… that they continue breathing.
Then there is the best part. The official announcement always comes wrapped in cheerful language.
“Landlords will benefit from improved clarity.”
That is not clarity. That is a reminder you forgot another compliance check that costs roughly the same as a weekend at Crown.
After a while you start talking to other landlords like you are part of a support group.
“Hi my name is David and I own an investment property.”
“Hi David. When was your last safety inspection that cost more than your annual return.”
And every time you think, surely that is it. Surely they have run out of ideas. The next week you hear that someone has proposed reviewing notice periods again. Or reviewing entry rules again. Or creating a new standard for how straight the blinds must hang or how emotionally supported the dishwasher feels.
So let us ask the question that every landlord quietly mutters while looking at their bank statement.
Why on earth would you do this.
Truthfully. Why.
What exactly is the upside.
You rent out a house. You provide shelter. You get treated like you are running an underground gulag.
Maybe one day being a landlord in Victoria will be simple again.
But until then it remains the perfect pastime for anyone who wants all the responsibility of owning property with the calming relaxation of a tax audit that never ends.
