If you ever wanted proof that the Victorian Government can hold two completely opposite ideas at the same time and still expect a gold star for effort, look no further than this “vacant house” story.
For years they’ve been pushing everyone to get off the grid. Collect your own rainwater. Put up enough solar panels to blind the neighbours. Store your power in a battery the size of a bar fridge. Become self sufficient because, let’s be honest, the government couldn’t deliver a glass of water without calling a six month inquiry.
And now, after encouraging half the state to live like cheerful suburban survivalists, they’ve suddenly decided that a house with low water usage and low electricity usage must be “vacant”. A ghost house. A dark, ominous, empty shell. Clearly abandoned. So of course the solution is to tax it.
Apparently if you’re not pouring mains water down the sink every day and running the kettle fifteen times an hour, something is suspicious. Never mind that you might just be using tank water. Never mind you might be powering your home properly with solar because the grid flickers more than a dodgy torch. No, no. The system says you’re not appearing on their bills, therefore you must be gone. And if you’re gone, you must be punished. It’s impressive, really. The government encouraging you to stop relying on them, then taxing you because you actually did it.
They want you off the grid, but also on the grid. Invisible but also visible. Sustainable but also billable. They can’t have it both ways, but they’ll absolutely give it a go and tax you from each direction just to see which one sticks.
Meanwhile you might be sitting in Queensland for a few months, enjoying the weather and praying that when you eventually come back, the Victorian circus might have sorted itself out. You know it won’t. Deep down you know it will be even stranger. The one consistent thing about Victoria is that the rules always change, and somehow every version manages to make less sense than the one before it.
But for now, according to the government, your perfectly lived-in, perfectly self-sufficient home is a spooky abandoned relic. And for that, you owe them money.
